Death and James

Death...it's something we are never looking forward to and something that comes way too suddenly. I wonder why James was taken away from me before I even got a chance to meet him face to face and I wonder why God let me meet him online even though he knew James was going to die very soon. What was the purpose? My heart and soul aches for James and his little AIM messages that say "hey" or tell me how his day was. I really do think we could have been a couple someday. We had so much in common yet we were so different too. I feel like my world is crumbling right beneath me and I am powerless to stop it. I am strong in the fact that I know God will provide but trying to live a life of dangerous wonder is taking its toll right now and I just want to give up and quit. But, James didn't quit so I won't either. I think about why he ran in front of the tractor trailer and I wish I knew why he did because I know he must have had a reason. That's all for now I LOVE YOU JAMES see you in Heaven!